Want a unicorn for Christmas? Sadly, live ones are difficult to come by. Thinkgeek, however, has plenty of Canned Unicorn Meat in stock.
Produced by an “independent cannery in County Meath, Ireland,” the unusual canned good comes with processed meat from the mythical, magical horned horses that fart rainbows and poop sweet candy. According to the label, 14 ounces of ready-to-eat sparkly unicorns come with each can, complete with crunchy horn bits and a “marshmallowy” rotisserie chicken taste.
Before you get yourself all worked up, this Canned Unicorn Meat is, of course, a novelty product. If you remember, it was originally one of the fake stuff that went up on Thinkgeek during April Fool’s Day. We’re guessing demand for a real one went high enough that they decided to actually come up with an actual item you can waste more of your hard-earned money on.
Instead of actual unicorn meat (which do exist in the hidden valley accessible only by the old, bricked subway tunnels under New York City), the can contains a dismembered unicorn doll. You know, the way a real version of the magical animal will look like right before it hits the grinders at the cannery. Kind of similar to the dismembered horses I saw back when I was working at the corned “beef” factory. I swear, it’s true.
Can’t think of a perfect gift for people you don’t really care that much about this Christmas? The Canned Unicorn Meat might just be what you’re looking for. It’s available now for $11.99.