Grinds Coffee Pouches: A Caffeine-Based Smokeless Tobacco Alternative

If you ask me, chewing tobacco is just plain gross and harmful for your body. And I am guessing that's why you quit also.  Then you realized you loved it because at least when you were addicted to it, you had an excuse for never getting laid.  So you decided to start chewing, drooling and spitting again just for the heck of it, but do you really want to bring nicotine and other nasty chemicals into your body again?  If not, then the Grinds Coffee Pouches should make for a perfectly good alternative.

Instead of smokeless tobacco, it's chewable coffee, so you get all the disgusting visuals with none of the accompanying health risks.  You know, the same color in your mouth, the same unquenchable need to spit and the same horrific cup of saliva sitting right next to you everywhere you go.  Ugh.

Grinds Coffee Pouches come in round canisters, similar to their tobacco counterparts.  Each container packs 20 pouches of flavored coffee that you can chew on and on until your jaw gets so tired you just want to end it all.  Since it's coffee, you don't have to spit it out either -- you can just swallow the juices the same way when you chew a gum.

Each pouch contains the equivalent of 4 to 5 cups of coffee, so chewing on one can give you a serious jolt.   If you don't want too much stimulation, then don't swallow.  Just spit and you'll get a minimum of the coffee hit.

Three flavors of Grinds Coffee Pouches are available here: mocha, mint chocolate and cinnamon roll.  Price is $13 per canister.

10 Responses

  1. The Author

    You’re so right! All people who use chewing tobacco don’t have girlfriends and nicotine is easily the worst thing you could possibly put in your body!

    • Malcom

      I totally agree, nicotine is the absolutely worst thing you can put in your body, well, other than meth, coke, crack, heroine, bath salts, PCP, LSD, ephedrine, ecstasy, glue, hash, mescaline, morphine, opium, and anabolic steroids. I guess that’s about it though, but I like where your head’s at 🙂

    • Bubba

      That’s not very nice! I chew, and I get laid quite often, just ask my sister!

      • Hillbillyjeffjoe23

        Hahaha i like that one thats funny but seriously i chew and i get laid all the time my girlfriend doesnt mind i chew as long as im not chewing when i kiss her

  2. Joe

    I just would like to have some input on this. I know of many guys who use chewing tobacco and have and currently do get laid. That does not include girlfriends which they have had many of. All of which have been very attractive. I myself use chewing tobacco and I can get laid in all honestly better than most guys that don’t chew. I currently have a girlfriend who is extremely attractive and does not mind that I chew. You are a very ignorant person to think that a person who uses this product can’t and won’t get laid and/or get a girlfriend. Just because your personal opinion is that it is gross doesn’t mean everyone has the same opinion. Do some research before you make such uneducated statements that make you sound feeble minded.

  3. Jonass

    You are ignorant I chew and I have a girlfriend I get laid at least 5 times all my friends chew they all have girlfriend or get around you obviously don’t know what your talking about

  4. Candice

    This article was informative in a very biased and judgemental way. How ignorant can this author be? I live in, what is considered, a rural community in Montana. We have a large population of men (and women believe it or not) that chew. Very rarely do I see chewers with spit receptacles with them wherever they go. The people here with the disgusting teeth and mouths are the meth addicts, not the chewers. My husband was a chew user before I met him and is now ready to quit. He has the same dental check-ups and oral hygiene habits as anyone else and not once has a doctor or dentist told him he should quit. Everyone knows the risks involved when using chewing tobacco. In comparison to any other drug, including alcohol, it really affects no one but the user and the effects aren’t always blatantly obvious. Our public water supply is just as damaging as many in this area have gotten dentures at early ages. Before people go and write a product review our article about something like this, consider the entire population that could stumble upon this. Oh, and by the way, my husband has no problems with getting laid 😉

  5. Smart human

    Yeah you see how many professional athletes chew? Hockey and baseball? Pretty sure the majority of them get laid whenever they want. If you’re good looking or get paid, you’ll get laid. Chew or no chew, chicks are predictable and only care about the looks and the bankroll.


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