Taking duck-faced selfies is ridiculous. Not because an Instagram timeline filled with nothing but duck-faced selfies is ridiculous, but because puckering up your lips doesn’t really make you look like an actual duck. You know what will? This Mallard Duck Mask from Archie McPhee, which makes you look like a half-human, half-mallard hybrid.
Like the Seattle-based company’s popular Horse Head Mask, the mask is a realistic-looking recreation of the most common wild duck in the northern hemisphere, ensuring people will do a double-take when they see you wearing one. Whether you want to be a half-duck walking your dog in the park, a half-duck partying at the club, or a half-duck slaving away at an office cubicle, this mask is as close as you can get to making it happen without becoming an actual mutant hybrid.
The Mallard Duck Mask is done up in a dark green color, similar to the males of the species, although girls should be able to pull it off, too, since it still looks ridiculous even when paired with skirts, yoga pants, or long, flowing dresses. To ensure creepy realism, it comes with a heavy amount of detail, complete with the pearlescent sheen on the feathers in a male mallard’s head. It’s made from soft latex, so it should be comfortable enough to wear, even for extended lengths of time.
Will you want to start quacking when you wear this? Maybe. Will you want to migrate south in the winter? Probably. Will you want to mate with other mallards? Hopefully not, because that’s no longer funny. The Mallard Duck Mask is available now, priced at $29.95.