New Point Anti-Stab Knife: For Cutlery That Can’t Kill…Vampires

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When vampires attack your home, few domestic tools are as handily available to defend yourself as a kitchen knife.  Using the food-slicing cutlery, you can effectively drive the necessary sharp object into your fanged attacker's heart, putting an end to its evil intentions of feasting on your blood.  We don't know if a vampire is behind the New Point Anti-Stab Knife, but it sure as hell will eliminate the kitchen implement from your defensive arsenal.

Sporting a rounded corner (as opposed to regular pointed ones), the new kitchen cutlery removes the kitchen knife's propensity for being used as a stabbing weapon.  While I fully support the idea of preventing home accidents (especially with little children who like to reach for objects they aren't allowed to play with), I can't help but feel a tinge of loss for the ensuing result.  How will people protect themselves from vampires now?

Apart from removing the pointed end, they also added a small hook that's designed to snag on clothing, in case you unwittingly attempt to stab someone with the blunt blade. Of course, it's still fully functional for slicing, which means you can continue to cut apples, onions and people's throat with it.  It just can't kill vampires.

Invented by John Cornock (who they claim is not a vampire), the Anti-Stab Knife was inspired by a scene in a documentary that saw doctors talk about abandoning traditional knives for safety purposes (probably after seeing over two dozen home accidents involving kitchen cutlery inside the ER).  What they probably didn't realize is that kitchen knives were specifically designed as home protection against vampires and, as such, have remained unchanged throughout the years.

The Dracula-friendly New Point Anti-Stab Knife is slated to go on sale in the UK soon, with pricing expected to be between £40 and £50.

[New Point Knives via Times Online]

2 Responses

  1. Zeenaa

    This knife is such a gudd idea. I fink I need 1. coz everywhere I look I c james.
    ………spooky.

    Reply

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