Wood is delicious. Why do you think I ate an entire chair back in grade school (at least, that's what the doctor said when I had colonic)? If you like the taste of burnt wood, but can't be bothered with the drawn-out cooking methods that impart it, you need a Smoking Gun.
Designed to give your food and drinks a smoked flavor no matter how you make them, the gun lets you shoot wooden goodness like a weaponized laser pistol. Your dinner guests will never know what hit them: "Why does this fried chicken taste like hickory wood? Is it voodoo magic?"
The Smoking Gun is a flavor infuser, measuring 6 .75 x 2 x 6 inches and weighing 2 lbs. Made from plastic and aluminum, the kitchen weapon can be armed by small pinches of wood, which it burns into a delicious smoke. All the heat is trapped within the anodized aluminum smoking chamber (it's removable, with a built-in filter too), so only cool smoke is released, preventing it from altering the texture and temperature of any food you subject to its flavor-spraying talents.
You can use it with one hand, just like a real pistol, making it infinitely more convenient than the work-heavy process of actually smoking food. It also comes with an 18-inch extender hose, in case you want to infuse food inside containers (such as resealable bags) for longer periods.
To operate the Smoking Gun, you need four AA batteries and, of course, sawdust for the actual flavor. It comes packing two 0.5 oz. jars filled with bits of hickory and applewood, and is available for $99.95.