Rambo had a bandolier strapped to his torso and it looked badass. Of course, that one was filled with extra bullets for his automatic, so the Traveler's Security Bandolier may not be quite as cool. But as a wraparound body pouch, it does feel like it could be mighty useful.
Sure, it looks even dorkier than a fanny pack, but it delivers four zippered pockets that are completely attached to your body. Throw in your valuables inside and they should be considerably safer than when they're taking refuge in your backpack.
The Traveler's Security Bandolier is super slim, measuring less than half an inch thin. That means it should wrap comfortably around your body, causing absolutely no restrictions in movement. All four differently-sized pockets can be held right in front of you using the adjustable strap, so you can keep your eyes on your stash all the time. One of the pockets even has a "cord conduit" (yep, fancy name for a hole) where you can slip your headphone cables into while your iPod sits safely inside.
If you want to hide your stuff, you can wear it under your jacket, giving the illusion that you've got some sort of a sling under there for a gun. Of course, you can really put a pistol in there if you want to. It's a "Security Bandolier," after all. Just don't expect airport security to enjoy your sense of humor. Alternatively, a water gun may prove just as effective for intimidation, since the thing is waterproof anyway.
Hammacher Schlemmer has the Traveler's Security Bandolier for $39.95.