Need bifocals? That figures - I heard you're so old, people sell your pictures as antique on eBay. You might want to forget the progressive lenses and slip on TruFocals, a pair of glasses with adjustable focus, so you can see perfectly "from up close to infinity."
Created by Zoom Focus Eyewear, the specs aren't all that different from the AdLens eyeglasses currently marketed to developing countries. Except this one's readily available to everyone over the web, so you can voluntarily accessorize your eyes with hideous-looking eyeglasses, regardless of your economic standing.
Each pair of TruFocals eyeglasses feature a two-lens design - one flexible and one firm. The flexible one uses a transparent expandable membrane that's attached to a rigid surface and is set closer to the eyes, while the firm one stands in front of it, with a pocket between them. A small amount of clear fluid sits in the divide, which alters the shape of the inner lens when you push the slider control installed on the bridge.
Getting accustomed to the new glasses is reportedly easy, with most users mastering the focusing function within minutes. That's definitely a step-up from the difficult adjustment often associated with bifocal and progressive lenses. With that said, the usefulness doesn't change the fact that it's a tad unsightly - like a seriously craptastic version of John Lennon's old specs.
But, hey, you're old. It's not like wearing ugly eyeglasses is going to ruin your chances of taking home a girl next time you hit the downtown clubs. If you can flash the cash, that's still all you need. You can order the TruFocals directly from their website, priced at $898.