Love pets but hate the extra work they bring? Back in the 70s, they had a solution for that: the Pet Rock. This year, the world's least-disruptive household ward is making a comeback in the form of the USB-Powered Pet Rock.
How is it different? Instead of just being a hard mass of earth that you can carry along anywhere, your new favorite pet comes with a USB plug so you can connect it to your computer. While stuck to a port, you can continue to use your pet to hold down lumps of paper, stroke it to your heart's content or sing to it. You will need to unplug it in order to break your office tyrant's car windshield, though.
If you were expecting the USB Pet Rock to come with any nifty tricks, you're dead wrong. Once plugged in, it will still do nothing. Like it always does. Which is perfect. That way, it's compatible with any computer fitted with a USB port, regardless of make, model and operating system.
Unlike other animal best friends, this one requires no feeding, no petting (unless you need to pet something), no looking after and no visits to the veterinarian. You can put it through the worst conditions with nary a complaint. It's a rock, after all.
Each USB-Powered Pet Rock measures approximately 4 x 4 x 3 inches, although each one should be unique (depending on what they turn up over at the rock pile outside). The USB connector, as you may have surmised, is absolutely non-functional. If you don't care about plugging it in, you can just think of it as an 18-inch tail. Heck, you can slice it off if you want - it's not as if it's going to scream in agony.
This April-Fools-Joke-turned-actual-product is available from ThinkGeek for $9.99.