Still a virgin and proud of it? Don’t stop the announcement with wearing a purity ring. Hang it on your wall with a Certified Virgin certificate, which proudly proclaims your sexless life to the world. Yes, you’re so cool, just like a Jonas brother (oh wait, only two of them should be virgins now – one got married).
Whether you’re a 40-year old social misanthrope, a dry-humping maestro or the biggest prude in the world, these “I’m a virgin” diplomas will put your abstinence in very clear terms. You’re as pure as Nickelodeon (well, before Jamie Lynn), as wholesome as Disney (errrr, before those Vanessa Hudgens photos) and with an unpopped a cherry as…ummm…I don’t know, Taylor Swift?
The Certified Virgin certificate, of course, isn’t any kind of official badge. In fact, pretty much anyone can order. If you want to pretend to be a virgin, I suggest getting one and hanging it in your bedroom. Your parents will be thrilled. Unless you’re a guy in your thirties, that is (at which point, they might suggest counseling).
Of course, you can always just blow up the above photo, work some graphics software magic on it and print up your own. Heck, there’s a guy next door who makes fake college diplomas (together with transcripts of grades) – I just might ask him to make me one, complete with a Vatican seal and the Pope’s thumbmark. That trumps any other kind of proof everyday of the week.
You can order your own “official” Certificate of Virginity directly from the site for only 99 cents.