There are many horrible ways to break up with someone. With these Break-Up Beans, we may have just stumbled upon one of the absolute worst. Seriously.
Like many horrible ways of breaking up with a romantic partner, it avoids talking to the person like a grown adult, opting for an impossibly immature manner of cluing them in to what’s going on. In this case, the break-up message appears on the beans only once they grow, ensuring you don’t have to be anywhere in the vicinity when the crying and the screaming and the inevitable breaking-every-fragile-object-in-sight ensues.
Each pack of Break Up Bean contains several lima bean seeds, each of which comes laser-engraved with one of two messages: “Let’s Be Friends” and “It’s Over.” It takes about five days for the beans to actually spout and the engraved messages to be legible, so you can leave your former partner uncertain about why you haven’t called the last few days until you’ve had enough time to leave the city and avoid all potential for drama. The seeds come with their own germination mixture and sprouting pot, too, so your ex (who has no idea about the new status yet) doesn’t have to use an erstwhile adorable planter she’s been saving for a special occasion on your relationship-severing strategy of choice.
Oh yeah, the product page says it’s recommended for ages three and up, so kindergarteners can get an early start breaking hearts, if they’re so inclined. The Break-Up Bean is available from Dunecraft, priced at $4.99.