Defense SAP Gloves Multiply Your Pimp Slap’s Power

Superheroes with no superpowers need all the help they can get.  That’s why Batman has a billion gadgets in his stash.  If you’re going to turn yourself into a vigilante crime fighter, you need to find a way to multiply the damage factor in your punching power (in addition to walking around with a metal shield).  These Defense SAP Gloves should do the deed.

Designed for “disturbance control operations,” the wearable weapon features steel shots both on the back of the hand and on the knuckles, giving your pimp slaps and straight crosses the iron impact they deserve.  I don’t care how tough someone’s chin is — even pitter patter girl punches will do damage when fronted by erstwhile metallic slingshot ammunition.

Billed as the “most advanced weighted defense gloves available,” the Defense SAP Gloves actually look like regular motorcycle gloves, making them quite the deceptive superhero accessory.  A total eight ounces of steel shots are spread across various strategic locations for knocking out supervillains and their stupid henchmen, so you can really maximize the impact of every strike.  Extra padding on the knuckles help soften the hand impact from your hooks and jabs, while  a steel plate on the back of the hand absorbs and displaces impact for your slaps.

Since you’ll be wearing it for extended periods (you’re a superhero without superpowers, after all), it uses tough and textured spandex backs to give your smelly hands some breathing space, while the ergo-cut design guarantees a secure fit.  And the palms get some extra love with a double-layered goatskin material, so it won’t feel so bad not helping out.

The Defense SAP Gloves are available in multiple sizes (S to XXL), priced at $19.99.