Toilet bowls don’t get any more high-tech than this. At least, not unless it can double as a jetpack, too (yes, a jetpack-toilet is my dream machine). The Kohler Numi can do everything you could ask for while performing the deed — short of shooting a tentacle and pulling the doodie out of your bunghole on its own.
Sure, we may not have robots at our beck and call yet. This throne of thrones, however, gives a good idea of just how sweet life can be with robot slaves doing all our human chores.
The Kohler Numi has a built-in sensor that lets it know when you’re in the vicinity, automatically playing music (it has built-in speakers) and raising the toilet cover as soon as it detects human presence (it also shuts the lid and stops the tunes as soon as you leave). Unfortunately, it can’t discern if you’ve got man parts yet, so if you’re only planning to do a number one, you’ll have to kick a button to raise the toilet seat up (yep, the control’s designed for access by foot so you keep your hands clean throughout).
Of course, there’s a bidet in tow. Not only is it self-cleaning, it can adjust shooting angles, water temperature and pressure, too, so you never have to suffer through a frozen bum or a jet hose of water more fitting for riot control initiatives. It’s also got a heated seat, foot warmers, an air-pulling deodorizer and an air drier (so you don’t have to leave wet), all of which are accessible via an included touchscreen remote.
While I’ve been known to rile about many of our modern excesses, the Kohler Numi oddly feels like it’s what my bathroom’s been waiting for all these years (especially when paired with a Wrap-a-Nap pillow). Until I saw the price: $6,390. Ummm… yeah.