If a regular picture paints a thousand words, a picture of the Pony Girl Rocker probably inspires a couple thousand. Half of them absolutely not safe for work. Okay, I just closed my eyes. All of them not safe for work.
Designed by Peter Jakubik, it’s a rocking horse for adults. Functioning no differently from the ones children get to ride on, you use it by getting on the saddle, rocking back and forth, and screaming “Hi-yaaa!” at the top of your lungs. Or something like that.
Except it’s not a wooden horse. Or an elephant. Or a giraffe. Or any one of those other animal silhouettes they usually put in these toys. Instead, the Pony Girl Rocker has you riding a woman, presumably naked (and, while we’re entertaining fantasies and all, bears a resemblance to Scarlett Johansson), on her hands and knees. Perfect for lonely men wanting a little pseudo-misogynistic entertainment, bored couples needing extra kink during sexy time or young children training to be criminal psychopaths someday.
The rocker is hand-made out of plywood, layered with a coat of wax. The wood’s worn appearance is intentional, too — so it feels like an old rocker you discovered while rummaging through the attic. Imagine chancing upon something like this in your grandparents’ attic, though. Eek.
The Pony Girl Rocker doesn’t appear to be for sale, which is a travesty. Seriously. Give it a half-decent price and this is exactly the kind of weird thing that makes serious money from online sales. Heck, I’d probably have bought two already.