Tasers are great for personal protection. But if you’re going on the offensive, you’ll need to get close to the target before you can use them. For that, you’ll need these Tactical Balls, which deliver flashes of ultra-bright lights to disorient your targets enough that they won’t see you creeping up and sticking a taser up their you know what. Or slamming a pie on their face, depending on which attack you prefer.
Designed for use by law enforcement agencies, you’ve probably seen them in one of those hundred-something cop shows that regularly show up on TV. If you haven’t, it isn’t too hard to imagine how they work: walk up within throwing distance of the perps, switch the blinky balls on and roll them to where your targets are. Once the painfully discombobulating lights have done their job, just grab your choice of perp and take them to the torture chamber, I mean, the heaquarters. Jack Bauer would be proud.
The Tactical Balls are non-lethal offensive weapons, meant to create a temporary loss of both vision and orientation. Each one comes with lights that output north of 13,000 MCD. Honestly, I have no idea how bright that many millicandelas is, but it doesn’t sound much (a 100W light bulb does around 120,000 MCD from a few feet away). But if it’s the same things the police use, I’m not about to doubt it works.
Each ball uses two CR2032 batteries, giving it disorienting blinking lights for up to 20 hour straight. We’re not sure what would happen if you lock yourself in a closet and turn these things on for that long, but if you’ve been trying to come up with a YouTube hit, I’ll happily Like that video. That is, if you’re still sane enough to upload it afterwards.
Is this even legal? I’m not sure, but they’re selling the Tactical Balls (tee-hee, I said balls) for £82.25.