It's your birthday. You're another year older, hopefully a year wiser and with your top just a tad thinner than it has always been.
You open up your presents one by one, suddenly chancing upon one with a plastic over-the-head strap in tow. Oh, good, someone gave you a pair of headphones. You sit back and hope it works better than the last cheap pair of cans you bought a month ago.
As you pull out the headphones, however, something seems amiss. Where are the earpieces?
So you check the label, squint your eyes and look again. It's not a pair of earphones at all. Instead, it's a Bald Man's Comb, a grooming implement designed specially for people like you. Sporting hair-straightening teeth kept to both ends of the strap, it's designed to comb through those remaining patches of growth right above your ears. It's mean, I know.
Intended as a gag-gift for the follically-challenged, the comb is pretty much the requisite accessory for men suffering from male pattern baldness. In case you receive one of these, maybe it's time to reconsider your hairstyle choices. After all, shaven bald always looks way sexier than partially bald - for the hair over your head, at least.
The Bald Man's Comb is available from Taylor Gifts for around $6. Therapy brought about by depression for the object of your jab not included.