Moonshine Cologne Makes You Smell Like Wood, Tobacco And Other Manly Things

Tired of the same musky scent you’ve been dabbing since you started growing facial hair?  Uninterested in the hip fragrances that your fashionable friends bathe themselves in before a night out?  Go old school with Moonshine — like the illegal hooch, only for dabbing on your pulse points and dousing on your stinky shirt.

Contrary to what you may believe, real men need not always reek of sweat and beer.  While those are definitely manly things, they’re also quick ways to repel anything other than your drunk and stoned friends who probably stink even worse.

Billed as “a gentleman’s cologne,” Moonshine Cologne boasts a “classic and timeless scent” that, fortunately, doesn’t actually smell like hooch cooked up in some old dude’s barn.   The fragrance brings a woodsy aroma, mixed with hints of masculine scents that include black pepper, tobacco, leather, gin and patchouli.  Yep, really.  If nothing else, that sounds way better than smelling like a Fat Electrician.

The thing itself comes in a nondescript bottle (with a cap similar to those on cough syrup containers) that makes it look like an illicitly-produced distilled spirit than an actual cologne.  Make sure your visitors don’t mistake it for one — we’re not sure how grandpa’s system will react to drinking stuff that’s not meant for consumption.  It does come slipped inside a burlap sack and a wooden storage box, so you can keep it there to make it look a little classier than your own supply of Appalachian mountain dew.

Available in 100ml quantities, Moonshine Cologne is priced at $72.